Pharisees Anonymous

     My name is Jerry Piper and I am a self-righteous Pharisee. I was taught from an early age to put on the robes of religious morality and proudly ride the high-horse of spiritual superiority. Therefore, my affiliated obsession has been to impress God and others with the glorious capacity to raise above the common everyday dilemmas that everyone faces in life and showcase that I have a better handle on living right than most. If I did stumble, I didn’t tell anyone, and pacified my guilty conscience with more Bible reading, church attendance, a larger financial gift, etc. until I felt worthy enough to get back in the saddle and once again ride with the belief that maybe it was my last time to be thrown. At least I had good intentions at riding on to becoming sinless.

     In recent years, I have discovered something called the Grace of God. I used the term frequently throughout my journey, yet never in the same context as I do now. Formerly, any reference to the grace of God merely allowed me to be forgiven just up to the point that I accepted Christ into my life. From there forward, everything was solely dependent upon the performance of my “living right” to determine whether or not I would go to heaven. Because I was so fully aware of my own frailty, how could I trust my own capacity to save myself? And what if I might do something sinful just before I die and not get to confess? I was in quite a dilemma. Even with such good intentions things just fell short of being stable. However, since I have found grace in a different dimension than the definition I understood in earlier years, like the Apostle Paul, I have been knocked off my spiritual high-horse by the blinding light of this glorious awareness. And, again like Paul, I have to answer for the fact that I have personally persecuted Christ and his church through my earlier insistence that we trust in something OTHER than the sufficiency this grace offers. I'm talking total sufficiency. Once and for all saved to the uttermost. All by Gods doing. That is NOT easy to accept if you were as steeped in religious tradition as I was.
     I still fall off the wagon now and then in fits of self-righteous dependence upon Mosaic Law, rules, regulations, and religious prescriptions for superstitious self-help and such, which makes me unloving, miserable, prideful, judgmental, aloof and holier-than-thou. Although I fall off the wagon a bit less than I used to, there still remains the fact that my mind is so filled up with all the religious trappings of gaining favor with God by "being good." I struggle with it constantly. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. I still have a tendency that desires being perceived by others as upstanding, even when I have to admit the fact that I haven't been. Learning through years of experience that I can easily be rejected by those who call themselves my "brothers and sisters" for revealing my faults and failures, it has been easier to put on a mask and present a false identity that is far more acceptable to those who demand nothing short of "victory" (whatever that means) rather than “faith” as the acceptable standard of living. The fear and anxiety I have turned loose of since letting go of that need has been life-changing and enabled me to rest in a provision that comes simply from trusting God.

     Day by day I'm learning more how this thing called "Christianity" was never meant to be perceived as a self-help method of becoming a "better person" but an act of ongoing faith that God, who justifies the wicked, WILL do for me, through the frustration of failure, weakness, inability and brokenness, what I can never do for myself, by finishing the good work HE STARTED. Little by little, I'm LEARNING to trust that. So bear with me... the real me… the one that God loves… that Jesus died for… as I am learning to do with you. If there are no others who have something to say, todays “Pharisees Anonymous” meeting is now adjourned…

Drink Deeply...